The Spirit of Ma’at - Vol 1 No. 9

Attracting

Your

Soul Mate

an interview with

Arielle Ford

author of Hot Chocolate for

the Mystical Lover

by Bethney Steadman

Bethney: I'm curious as to why you decided to write this particular book on Soul Mates?

Arielle: This book is the fourth in the ''Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Soul'' series. So when the publishers said they wanted yet another installment, I started to think about what would be the most fun to write. Looking back to the other three books, I realized that the stories people seemed to respond to the most were always the Soul Mate stories. So I thought it might be fun to do a whole collection of them.

Bethney: Would you be willing to share one of your favorites?

Arielle: There is a story that my sister Deborah wrote for the book. It's about a man who had a really nasty divorce. He had been married for twelve years, and no matter how much he and his wife worked at their marriage and went to counseling, they just never got it together.

Finally, they were divorced, and it was a very bitter divorce. So when it was all over, he decided to go to a Christian men's retreat in Hawaii to heal his heart.

While he was there, they were offering a workshop called ''Create the Life You've Always Wanted.'' The workshop participants were instructed to figure out exactly what they wanted, so that they could ask God in precise words for their wish to come true.

So this guy said to the teacher, ''Well, that's really easy for me. I've always wanted a loving, supportive wife.''

And the teacher said ''That's a good start, but I want you to be more specific.''

So the man went for a walk on the beach, and he realized that he didn't want to marry a divorced woman, because he had just been through such a nasty divorce. But he was too old to find a woman who had never been married. So he decided he needed a widow.

He went back to the teacher and said, ''I would like to meet a widow so I can have a loving, supportive marriage.''

The teacher said ''That's better, but that's still not it exactly.''

So he went for another walk on the beach, and he started thinking about what would be really important in a wife. And he realized that his passion was singing. So he thought, ''I'd like somebody who sings.'' And that's when the light bulb lit up. ''Yeah! I want a widow who sings!''

The teacher agreed that this was it. And so when the men did their prayer ritual telling what it was that they wanted, this man asked God to send him a widow who sings.

A few weeks later, he went to visit his mother in the hometown where he grew up. While he was there, he went to church with one of his oldest friends. And all through the entire service, he kept being attracted to a woman in the choir.

When the service ended he asked his friend who that attractive blonde was in the choir. His friend said, ''I can't believe you don't recognize her. That's the girl you took to the high school prom. Her husband died last year.''

So he found his widow who sings, and they fell in love and got married, and now they sing together.

Bethney: I love it.

Arielle: And that's sort of the point of the whole book. What I discovered after putting together a hundred and one stories is that there is a method for finding your Soul Mate, and I've distilled it into a four-step process.

First, you have to be sure that you really want to find your Soul Mate. And that may mean that you need to get some sort of counseling to get rid of the baggage from any previous relationships.

Second, once you're cleared and ready to go, then you need to make a very specific list of what it is that you are looking for. And when I say specific I mean specific! You want somebody who is available. You want somebody who is geographically desirable. If you are gay, you want someone who is gay. If you are straight, you want someone who is straight. Very specific like that. I once had a girlfriend who found a guy who was everything on her list. And then she found out that he was gay.

So you get your list together, and then you get your best friend to look it over to make sure you haven't left out anything important.

Third, once the list is ready to go, then you create a ritual for yourself. And it can be as simple as reading your list out loud, saying a prayer, and putting it in your Bible. Or you can burn the list and scatter the ashes over a body of water. Or you can do a pagan love spell - some of those are described in the book. The ritual is to let the universe know that you are serious.

And once you've done that, you get to step four. This is the hard part, this is where you have to totally detach and let go and wait on the will of Heaven.

Bethney: And trust.

Arielle: And trust. And actually, trust goes back to step one. Not only do you have to clear yourself of your old emotional baggage, but you have to really believe that there is somebody out there for you. Because you could clear out all your baggage, but if in your heart you think that you're too old or too fat - or whatever - then it won't happen, and you'll get to be right.

So you have to really believe. If you read the stories in the book, you will believe, because you'll see that the people who fell in love in this book are not Brittany Spears...

Bethney: Or Brad Pitt...

Arielle: They are people of all ages and shapes and backgrounds and trials and tribulations. I would say at least half of the stories are about people who found their Soul Mate later in life.

Bethney: You mention ''divine intervention'' in connection with these stories. Can you explain what you mean?

Arielle: Some of the people who found their Soul Mates prayed, and their prayers were answered. Some had prophetic dreams that led them to recognize their Soul Mates when they finally met. Some swear that Guardian Angels helped. Some used love altars, or were aided by meditation and visualization. Some conducted love rituals that they believe brought true love closer. So in every case there was some form of what we consider divine intervention, and when the couple came together, they all felt something very important and profound had happened, as if it were an act of God.

And although the way love came knocking on the door was unique to each couple, there were other similarities. Most followed intuitive hunches that didn't always make sense but felt like the right thing to do at the time. And there was almost always a distinct moment when Soul Mates recognized each other. Sometimes it was simple mutual love-at-first-sight. Sometimes one or both parties heard a small, still voice confirm: ''She's the one'' or ''This is the one you will spend your life with.''

Bethney: Do you think we can have more than one Soul Mate?

Arielle: Yes, I have always believed that you can, because I think Soul Mates come in different forms. They can come as lovers, but they can also be best friends, co-workers, children... In my case, I have two Soul Mates. I have my husband, and my cat, JB.

Bethney: Did you find that you learned a lot in your own life through the experience of writing this book?

Arielle: I had a lot of fun writing it. I got to see all the different ways that it happens for people. And I learned that it isn't just up to Fate and Destiny. You can have a hand in it. Many of the people in these stories were very intentional. They had set out to find their Soul Mates and they did find them. There weren't any accidents.

Bethney: So you do feel that you have met your Soul Mate in your present partner?

Arielle: Oh yeah, no question.

Bethney: How did you recognize him?

Arielle: Well, it is a very long story. Essentially, what happened was, I went to see Ammachi - the living saint Mata Amritanandamayi [ammachi.org] - and I asked her to send me my Soul Mate. I whispered it in her ear while she was hugging me.

That night, I had a dream that gave me a lot of clues. And three weeks later I went out of town on a business trip, and I met this guy, and as soon as I met him it fulfilled all the clues in my dream. He had been dreaming about me. He had seen me in his dreams. And there was all this magic that just happened.

Bethney: It's good for me to hear you talking about more than one Soul Mate. I think the preconception is that there is one great love for us, and that's it.

Arielle: What a disaster that would be. What if you took the wrong train that day?

And if you get to the deeper thing that we're all One anyway, then there would be an unlimited number of Soul Mates out there for you.

Bethney: Is there anything that you would like to add that we haven't discussed? I know it's a huge topic.

Arielle: The feedback that I've gotten on the book from a lot of people is that it really gives them hope. They see that it really never is too late. Even if they're isolated or under some bad circumstances, there are always stories of people like them who found their Soul Mate, and this knowledge inspires them to keep looking and keep working on whatever might be preventing them from bringing somebody in.

Bethney: Do people understand how important it is to be clear in their intent, and do the rituals, and so on?

Arielle: Actually, you would be surprised at the people who are resistant even to making a list. I ask people - women in particular, especially very successful, busy women - ''Is there really room in your life? You know, could you clean out half the closet, could you actually make physical space?''

And they go, ''Oh, my God, no, there's no room, there's no room.''

And I tell them ''Well, that would explain why you don't have anybody. Because there's no room.''

Bethney: You need to create that space?

Arielle: Right, you have to create that space in your head, in your heart, and in your closet.

Bethney: Even with the fundamentals of Feng Shui, they say to place two bedstands next to the bed [see Enhancing Relationships with Feng Shui].

Arielle: Exactly. And one of them better be empty and waiting! I know. Before I met my husband, I consulted Feng Shui experts for my house, and I did everything they told me to do.

There's a great story that I wasn't able to get for my book, but I'll tell you anyway. It's about Della Reese, star of the television series ''Touched by an Angel.''

Before she met her current husband, who is also her manager, she was working to bring in her Soul Mate. One thing she did was cook dinner for two every night, and set a place at the table for him, knowing that someday he would be there.

Bethney: Thank you, Arielle. It's powerful work.

Arielle Ford is founder and head of the highly successful public relations firm The Ford Group, in La Jolla, California. Clients, current and past, include New York Times bestselling authors Deepak Chopra, Neale Donald Walsch, Marianne Williamson, and Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen (co-authors of the popular ''Chicken Soup for the Soul'' series).

The book under discussion in this article was preceded by Ford's Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Soul, More Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Soul, and Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Teen Age Soul.

Arielle Ford lives in La Jolla with her husband, Brian, and their two angel cats, JB and Montana. She can be reached at The Ford Group, Dharma Dreams, LLC, 1250 Prospect St., Suite Ocean 5, La Jolla, CA 92037, 858-454-3314 (fax 3319). Her website is at fordsisters.com.

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