Self-Esteem and the Magical Child, with J'ani Hadden by Lora Spivey

I met J'ani [pron. jan-EYE] at a workshop in 1999. It has been a gift for me to witness her power as a healer and her ability to help people connect with the higher truth of themselves. It is my honor to share this gift with you.

Lora: What is self-esteem and how important is having good self-esteem to spiritual evolution?

J'ani: Self-esteem is who we think we are and how we feel about ourselves. Remembering what is authentic and true in us is paramount to spiritual evolution. As we remember our true identity, our hearts open in compassion, and then a fuller expression of Spirit is possible.

So good self-esteem is a primary step in our spiritual evolution. Having a sense of self-worth is extremely important, even essential, to realizing our true nature. When we have self-esteem and true compassion for our Self, we instantly also feel our connection with all life.

Lora: Can you talk about the choice to move toward self-love and to forgive ourselves for our perceived inadequacies?

J'ani: The key is to recognize that we need to feel respect and compassion for ourselves before we can genuinely extend respect and compassion to others.

We may feel sympathy for others, or pity. We may feel kindness. We may have relationships based upon conditional love. But in order to live in that authentic frequency that permeates every bit of All That Is, we first have to be able to apply respect and compassion right here, inside of ourselves.

A foundational step is to soften our attitude toward ourselves. This softening nurtures a deeper compassion for own being to where we can begin offering self-forgiveness. Doing this, we begin to recognize that we are in the hands of the Divine Mother and Father. Having this recognition and making the decision to heal sets the Universe in motion to support us.

Lora: I understand that your approach to healing revolves around a person's ability to experience the Authentic Self. Could you talk about that, please?

J'ani: When we receive a glimpse of our true nature, when we feel and touch that higher frequency, our entire beingness gravitates to it. So the experience of the Authentic Self, however momentary in the beginning, becomes an important building block for healing.

And when we have experienced trauma early in life, there is a correspondingly tremendous potential for connecting very powerfully with the Authentic Self.

Lora: But how can we recognize our authentic nature when we don't feel worthy or lovable?

J'ani: Initially, it can be extremely helpful for a healer to provide the reflection of that frequency for us. Try describing what a strawberry tastes like! You can't possibly know until you've tasted it. So at the foundational stage in our evolution, it is beneficial to work with a healer who can help us feel our authentic nature. This gives us a tangible glimpse of who we really are behind the facades and masks and grievances, and enables our awareness to acquire a new, higher frequency.

Once a healer reflects the frequency of a person's true self, that person will quickly begin locating the frequency by herself.

In the beginning, we might not hold that frequency all the time. It comes and goes. But we have discovered an absolutely tangible thought and feeling pattern associated with who we truly are and what it feels like to be there, beyond the judgments we have about whatever has happened to us and the beliefs we have accepted about ourselves.

This glimpse of our authentic nature is the beginning of true self-esteem, because it is the actual discovery of Self. In a state of perfect equilibrium, we discover that we are the presence "I Am."

Lora: What obstacles do people create for themselves in discovering their own authenticity?

J'ani: We have a tendency to create masks of who we think we should be, based on the belief that there is something missing in who we are. Then we try to live up to those masks, those ideals, projecting an image of ourselves to the world. This is a strategy we develop as children, to help us feel safe when it is not safe to be authentic.

What we need to do is to step out from behind these masks and become an observer of these roles we've assumed. When we do this, ultimately the masks dissolve and we are standing in authenticity. In this way we step into our own personal expression of Truth.

Lora: Can you explain the huge differences in people's approaches to healing childhood wounds?

J'ani: One way to understand the healing process is in the context of developing resources for one's mission here. When a person's pathway seems to be a long road of healing, we could say they are gathering information.

Everybody in physical manifestation has something to heal. People who were severely abused as children may go through a very slow healing pathway so that they understand the elements, the steps, the intricacies of the energies that were coagulated or blocked because of their traumas.

The education derived from the process of healing then becomes a resource, something we can share with others. The only way we can have true compassion is if we've experienced the negative emotions ourselves.

So it's important not to diminish anybody's pathway. When a healing process seems drawn out, it's simply a matter of that person's timing. It's essential to honor others' particular timing. Honoring our own timing is essential, as well.

Lora: If someone has attained a certain level of evolution where they are not constantly being torn apart, as they were in childhood, might it not be natural to want to stay there? I know from experience that each step in healing can involve bringing up unpleasant emotions and chaotic thought patterns. If one has achieved a degree of peace, isn't it difficult to go on and complete one's healing?

J'ani: Yes, it is. I see this a lot in my work. I like to give the analogy of a trapeze artist. You started out on the first bar, and finally you're swinging, smooth and graceful. Then comes the moment you have to let go of the one trapeze, spin, and move on to the next. You have to let go of what you are good at to move on to the next part of the act. Letting go into that moment is a faith walk, where we trust God, trust ourselves, and — ultimately — trust that glimpse of our own authenticity.

If we go back to the idea that we are spiritual entities who have come here to experience humanity in all of its myriad forms, we recognize that this human experience must include chaos, because there is so much learning and so much self-discovery within chaos. We have a tendency to label some things as more spiritual while others are less so, but chaos is not less spiritual than anything else. Chaos is just another aspect of God.

From a higher vantage point, we can recognize that experiences on the Earth plane are neither good nor bad — albeit some are less comfortable than others. Still, every one of them is a tremendous resource for us to use in our spiritual evolution. The utmost reality is in knowing that there is only God. There is only Love. There is only Now.

Lora: But don't our experiences on the Earth plane in fact come from our own vantage point? At least, that's the New Age concept, that our thoughts create our reality. What are your beliefs about this?

J'ani: The Universe does rearrange itself according to our picture of reality. When we feel self-love and a sense of safety in the world, when we feel that we are deserving of good, then our reality begins to out-picture those feelings. Dramatically, things that match this picture begin to unfold in our lives.

The reverse is also true. So by paying attention to what is going on around us, we can get clues about what is going on within us.

When we stay present, the world will continually show us situations where we have a "charge," or have something to learn, or something we need to heal. Situations outside of ourselves then become great mirrors, showing us where we have opinions and judgments and where we need to bring our emotions and thoughts into the present moment and dissolve any charge that we feel.

It is important to clear out the charges we are holding in our body, mind, and emotions, charges that were born from our traumatic experiences. When we carry a strong emotional charge about something that has happened to us, it places a filter or a veil over the experience of our true nature.

It is when we look at our lives without these charges that we discover the feeling of the Authentic Self — the frequency that comes when we are in alignment with our true nature and All Life Everywhere.

Lora: How we can look at life events in a way to get rid of the "charge" we are carrying?

J'ani: Here's an example of a simple situation we've all experienced.

Let us imagine that we are in a grocery store, and we encounter a mother screaming at her tired, fussy child. Normally, our heart goes out to that child. We feel the child's pain, and we feel anger at the mother for causing it. In other words, we have a personal "charge" on what is happening.

However, when we participate in the child's painful experience, we are helping neither the child nor ourselves. Instead of doing that, we could stand in front of the child and feel our own equilibrium. We could be authentically present, with true compassion and peace. And doing this — being with the child in this way — not only enhances our ability to feel self-love, but it's the only thing that has a chance of bringing about real change in the outward situation.

Lora: Other than having it created for us by a healer, is there another way that we can begin to open ourselves to the frequency of the Authentic Self?

J'ani: When we are traumatized as children, the "magical child" within goes into hiding, for protection. But as adults, we have survived, so we can receive this part of ourselves into the safety of the present moment. This reunion can be the moment of discovering the adventure of who we truly are.

A good method of reuniting with the magical child is to set up a playful situation. And as survivors of abuse, we often don't even remember what we genuinely enjoy, so imagination is very important. Imagination is the doorway to the magical child.

So we could first create a way to feel safe — a place or a time where we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The process is different for every individual, but the moment is the same.

Then, once we have created a way to feel safe and be gentle, we can use our imagination to summon the magical child back into our experience. We can simply ask ourselves, If I were a magical child, what might I like to do?

Lora: Thank you for sharing with us. Would you like to add any closing thoughts?

J'ani: I'm delighted to share this message. I'll close by saying that wounded people are survivors. By nature, they are strong and tenacious. As self-esteem increases, negative charges are neutralized. Past experiences then become resources for self-empowerment.

Self-empowerment comes when we are willing to step in to our own unique expression of Truth. This happens when we remember the beauty, wonder, and magic of who we truly are.

Since 1983, J'ani Hadden has been doing energy work with an emphasis on vibrational healing. She leads small personal workshops tailored to the needs of each group, and offers individual healing sessions utilizing a variety of bio-energetic modalties to assist in the union of Spirit and form.

She can be reached by email at Jani555@hotmail.com or by snailmail at P.O. Box 359, San Juan, CA 95960.