She Who Enters The Gate (Deutsch)

By Heather Fraser

I have a pendant hand made out of pewter. It's of a native Indian woman's face with her eyes closed. Her face exudes peace and serenity and I bought it over 20 years ago for the way it made me feel when I looked at it — holy.

Because it is handmade, it is an original, signed by the craftsman and named "She Who Enters the Gate." I'm guessing the name reveals her medicine as the one who can travel between worlds, or perhaps it's because she knows how to walk through the gate of her own heart.

One night, a few years ago when my life was falling apart, I was convinced she was speaking to me as I went to bed. I had noticed that I was feeling deeply grateful for everything in my life, as it was right then.

Whatever was going on right in that moment was good. I can remember thinking that so much beauty and goodness could be mined from whatever was taking place, no matter what the circumstances, and they were pretty grim. This acceptance of "what is" was one of the greatest teachings I experienced, and I believe it was my resistance to this teaching that caused so much of my suffering, with my adamant refusal to accept my current life situations and myself.

I don't think I ever truly or deeply felt grateful for what I had, or if I did, it was never lasting. I never mined for the gold of my life, always focusing instead on what I did not have, who I was not, and all the faults and imperfections of everyone and everything around me. My mind was always judging, analyzing, sizing up, and trying to figure out if who or what was before me was good enough or acceptable enough to be approved of by me and my standards. My mind was the gate with a guard standing at attention protecting me from all the bad people, places, and things. My ego would decide whether entrance was permitted. Who would I let enter? Who or what measured up?

Looking back over my life, I see that the gate did not lift open too often. Only a select few were allowed to enter, and even then, after they revealed their human weaknesses I would kick them out again. I can see now that my mind — that gate — had kept life away from me. And I'd been the one responsible for operating that gate.

When I finally dropped down into my heart and learned to mine the gold from whatever and whoever was standing before me, I began to allow all of life to enter. To refuse entrance into my center, my heart, was to refuse life itself, and what would've been the point of that kind of existence?

I pondered that question that night as I lay in my bed thinking about my wise pendant and my own current life circumstances. I drew myself into the center of it and took a long look at what my closed gate — my refusal to let life in — had created. I didn't like what I saw. I saw that living that way was pointless, with the exception of what it had taught me to realize. That I must soften. That I must surrender. That I must yield to Spirit. That I must trust in love. That I must write. That I must express. And that I must do all of this fearlessly.

Well, I'm not sure I've mastered the "fearlessly" part yet, but I did learn to yield, soften and surrender to Spirit, and that in and of itself, has made this journey entirely worthwhile.

So I began all over again that's all. From the bottom up. For clearly I had a clean and empty slate on which to start over. It began that night I think, this new beginning, as I laid my head down and sank into the delicious coziness of my bed hearing the words "deeply grateful" reverberating in my heart. Yes, She Who Enters The Gate was speaking to me.

I began to mentally go through my day that day, moment by moment, and saw how beautiful my life — any life — could be if we viewed it from a place of heart centered gratitude. Despite the isolation, the lack of money, lack of community, lack of work, lack of close family, I was able that night, to drift off to sleep feeling contented and full. For my day that day had been a glorious one when I viewed it from Spirit's perspective.

I remember that I began it in stillness, outside on the balcony (it was summertime) surrounded by potfuls of joyful pansies spilling over themselves as if to say, "Oh beautiful day, I cannot contain the bliss within me that has me ever reaching for your grace!" I sat with my coffee and listened to the orchestra of birds greet the day with their happy songs.

I had the time in my day to write at leisure, to take a walk amongst the wildflowers...flocks, their vibrant pink, white and purple petals fluttering amongst the tall green grass, their fragrant perfume intoxicating. I savored my lunch. A pot of homemade chicken curry and rice I'd made the day before. I piled the bowlful high with chopped tomato, cucumber and lettuce and enjoyed every mouthful.

I visited the library to pick up some books I had ordered and reveled in the experience of having access to so many words and so much knowledge surrounding me. I felt grateful for my car that took me there even though it was 10 years old and in need of many repairs.

This was my life in that moment, and that night, instead of being filled with humiliation and shame, I was filled with a great sense of inner peace. I felt like She Who Enters The Gate. And that night I had opened the gate with joyful abandon.

I fired the guard and re-wired the gate's mechanism. It was now permanently open. All of life could enter. All joy, all suffering, all love, all humanness. For what is the point of a guarded and gated life? It's like those gated communities you see sometimes, complete with security out front and remote controlled everything. Sterile, perfect, orderly, cold, empty and oh so lonely and lifeless.

In the end, I discovered that it was all about acceptance. Acceptance of life. Acceptance of self. Acceptance of others, while letting all of life dance through the open gate. I learned that acceptance equals joy, and that basically, there was nothing more to know. I learned to allow the simplicity of that discovery to sink deeply into my Being at the cellular level. I learned to breathe it in, to drink it in, and to infuse it into my every thought and feeling, and now I am oh so humbly learning how to become it, embody it, and eventually live it with some semblance of grace and dignity.

When we have the courage to strip away all the facades that we think we are hiding behind, we discover that we are all exactly, and I mean exactly the same. We are all fragile, vulnerable, faltering, human beings who have one common desire...peace of heart.

Life is so much easier when we simply let go and admit this to ourselves.

Copyright 2011 Heather Fraser — www.sacredscribe.com You may make copies of these articles and distribute in any media as long as you change nothing, credit the author, and include this copyright notice and website address.

About Heather Fraser

Heather Fraser is a writer who has come to understand the meaning of her life as an expression of the sacred and soul of everyday living.

You can contact Heather through her website at www.sacredscribe.com

Latest articles by Heather Fraser in Spirit of Maat:

April, 2012: BELOVED AFFAIR

March, 2012: Mystical Ecstasy

June, 2011: The End of Suffering

May, 2011: The Grace of Letting Go

April, 2011: Riding The Waves & The Undertow

March, 2011: What Dreams May Come

February, 2011: She Who Enters The Gate

January, 2011: Calling All Angels

December, 2010: Creative Soul

November, 2010: Nature As Benevolent Teacher