A Deep, Deep Love

By Heather Fraser

The thing about falling down, spiraling inward, and touching the silence is that it forces you to listen. And in that vast, dark, empty place of nothingness, you really lose track of just how far down the rabbit hole you're going.

You sense you are somewhere deep...very deep. No matter which direction you look in, all you can see is the dark, and no matter how many times you lift your eyes upwards hoping to see even just a little speck of light from the world you just fell from...alas, you do not...and so you surrender to the fact that you can't possibly comprehend the depths of which you are now moving in.

This is such a good place to be; the absolute unknown.

Once we surrender to it, (this might take just a little while...like what feels like forever!) it actually begins to feel okay. It actually starts to feel something like bliss.

This is what I've named the silent peace of God.

You'd think the only way to reach it was UP. That's the direction most people think they should go in order to find God, or Bliss, or who think their holiness is connected to the heavens. Boy, are they lost.

In truth, the only way out of the madness is down, down, down.

Only from this place can we come to know deep love. It's called deep for a reason. Because it comes from the depths of our Inner Being. Down is the direction we gotta go.

Only when we've made this journey can we rise up again, expanding in all directions simultaneously — with every breath, and cell, and impulse, and desire, and feeling, radiating outward from our core.

We become a silent radiating force of love, joy, beauty, and power...the kind of power that not only creates life and affirms it, but supports it in every manner possible.

This is the hidden gift inside any fall from grace. We become REAL, and our capacity to love and be loved becomes infinite. Not only that, our desire to celebrate life and fill it up with beauty, acceptance, and appreciation becomes practically automatic, and whenever we find ourselves in contrast to these life affirming desires — when we are feeling ugliness, resistance, and ungrateful — we retreat...we forgive ourselves...we remind ourselves that we are still "newbies" at handling all this expansion with these dense, heavy, confining, and very human physical bodies we are lugging around.

Around Christmas, I could feel that ugly resistance trying to nail me. I was running a few errands at the little shopping plaza nearby. Someone was hanging up Christmas boughs all along the outside walkway, and each store window was decorated to the max. I actually love Christmas. I love the warm and fuzzy feelings I get when I think about decorating the Christmas tree with my daughter, and playing all our favorite Christmas music. Our Christmases are warm and real, with not a shopping mall frequented for a single gift. The ugly resistance I was feeling, was how the reminders of the season, more than a month into the future, took me out of my present moment awareness and had me panicking about how I was going to pull it off this year. I stayed in it for a bit...could feel my breathing go immediately shallow...I could feel the fear and the dread and the shame trying to drag me down. But then I reminded myself that love is the only way through, and that little shift in thought dissolved my panic.

Sometimes, we simply need to take another deeper look inside and make a few little adjustments.

I find myself doing this daily. It's no small thing to have one's core radiating and expanding into infinity if we don't know how to care for the vehicle through which all this energy is moving. One of the things I've noticed lately that has drastically changed for me energy wise, is my hunger. I don't think I've felt ravenously hungry since my daughter was born, and that was 11 years ago! But now...holy cow...I'm hungry all the time...and to me that feels sooo good. Energy is moving...life force is flowing...and my body is responding by requesting more fuel for the amount of energy pouring out and in. What I'm craving most is things like nut butters, almonds, cheese, basically protein of any kind to ground me...and tons of water...and I have to move every day, as in walking...slowly and mindfully.

You'd think all the little nitty gritty things that tend to trip us up would just be blown to smithereens by the intensity of this light; that it would leave both our mind and our body as clear conduits for it to flow through.

So far, for me anyway, I'm learning that there's just no getting around the fact that we have very earthly, physical bodies, and extremely human tendencies to let our minds fill up with resistance (aka: fear)

And so...we begin to learn what we must do to remain clear and empty. For me, it's things like walking, nature, music, deep breathing, writing, feeling, loving, surrendering, silence, beauty, softness, balance, eating!...essentially it all boils down to extreme self-care, or in other words...self-love.

When we begin to master the art and practice of loving self-care, our Inner Being and our physical being are no longer separate. We become ONE, merged with our divine nature, and with this union, we get to experience deep love. The kind of love we can then move back into the world with after our long absence. The kind of love that will allow us to relate with others, but not depend on them. The kind of love that will allow us to love another, but not out of neediness or co-dependence. The kind of love that seeks communion with another instead of possession. The kind of love that magnetizes another from a place of inner beauty, joy, and self-respect. The kind of love that will allow us to simply BE with another, beyond any need for words.

You know you've made it down the rabbit hole, and up and out the other side, by the kind of people and relationships that begin to show up in your life. It's downright outta this world to witness the effortless attracting power this sojourn with the dark is now having in my life, and how it is opening me up to divine love like I've never known it before.

This is what falling down can do for us. And while we may have to be in the depths of the "unknown" for awhile...actually, for as long as it takes...the gift we come out with and begin to release into the world is priceless.

It's the gift of a deep, deep love.

Copyright 2010 Heather Fraser — www.heatherfraser.com Ontario, Canada

About Heather Fraser

Heather Fraser, born December 30, 1962 in Toronto, moved to Africa at the age of 9. It was here that Heather began to understand the connection to all living things and come to know the grace and wisdom of both the natural and esoteric world. Her healing, infinite journey of transformation has lead her to the richest, most sought after destination anywhere — home — to the soul. This place of deep awareness and self-acceptance of her special gifts of sensitivity, empathy, and intuition has given her all the passion and inspiration needed to write and teach what she has learned about honoring the Self and nurturing the soul — the true purpose of our existence. Heather specializes in counseling, re-educating, and profoundly validating those that are highly sensitive, intuitive, empaths, helping them to accept these traits as the gifts that they are and to express them proudly and shamelessly.

She is a gifted, prolific, successful published writer, poet, and speaker with a readership spanning the globe, as well as a Reconnective Healing Practitioner, a Level III Touch For Health Practitioner, and a former Holistic Nutritional Consultant, RNCP. Heather is the proud mother of a daughter she names Sage, who is also a highly intuitive, sensitive empath. They live together in Ontario, CANADA with their lazy cat and hilarious lovebird. For more information, or to contact Heather, please visit her website at www.heatherfraser.com