Boundaries in our Spiritual Path and Every Day Life
By CC Treadway
This is a subject that holds a lot of weight in my life. It is an area that I have worked on diligently, year by year, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing miserably. "Boundaries" was a skill I had to pass each year in my four year training at the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. And boundaries move and change like the tides, are different for each person and are perhaps the most important skill to learn when dealing with the spiritual planes…and physical planes.
I often hear from those who are young on the spiritual path that all is one and Divine love has no boundaries. I heard this a lot growing up from my newly spiritual Mom, bless her heart, and it never felt right to me. Somewhere along the line, this concept of oneness turned into a moral obligation to simply do or be what others wanted all the time…because we were all one! It also translated into never being able to be angry or depressed, having no need for privacy, having to be friends with everyone, and sharing everything. Every teen has to rebel against something, and I rebelled against this concept. Oh the fights that ensued. I wanted boundaries and I wanted them bad! I was a sensitive Indigo with a temper, I could not tell a lie, I really didn't like or want to be friends with everyone, and I would not act out of integrity with myself. It became the battle of the boundaries. As a teenager, I took for granted the unconditional love of my parents, and didn't know how to authentically express myself, so I would just scream and lash out. Typical. I wanted badly to be seen and loved for exactly who I was, and if I look back as an adult, its clear that's exactly what my Mom wanted too. We just had different approaches.
Many people interpret real love, or oneness, as merging with another, sharing everything. This just didn't feel good to me. I couldn't help it. When someone feels invaded all the time, as I did, anger begins to bubble deep inside. An extreme reaction of isolating, self-protecting and controlling one's environment can occur. Those who knew me well always said I had great boundaries, those who knew me even better would say I was controlling, self protective and isolated, and would I please let them in more? For a long time my boundaries were walls that fell easily upon a moment of feeling I was finally being seen. When the walls fell, it was shockingly revealed to me that I needed to merge. Unbelievable!! I had worked so hard to not do that, but truthfully, I hadn't healed it at all. This was reflected in my intimate relationships. If I did, or didn't get this merging, the walls went back up. What a conundrum. The anger that would occur when my boundaries were crossed was so severe, it often kept me up for days, and left me crying in desperation because it felt like a prison.
I longed for real boundaries, to really feel safe, to trust again, but I had no idea how to do it. All that would come out was a wall of anger, and this pushed people away. Or I would let my guard down and be taken advantage of. This was a very painful cycle. The guilt I felt around having boundaries was so strong, that vibrationally I was not holding that truth. I was holding victimhood. And that was what I was attracting.
We are all suffering from the perceived separation from Spirit/God in some way. We go into our hearts, feel we are home and then boom, all common sense and boundaries disappear, just like when we weren't in a body. But is that really true?
The other day I was working with a client on channeling. I was telling her about how the higher level guides work. I mentioned that a guide has a clear agenda, and that is to love you, and to serve your highest good with their highest good. No compromise. They will not answer a question they don't want to and they will not do anything they don't want to. If they don't feel they have an interest or expertise on a subject, they will refer you to another guide. And they will love you through it all. I said, "They have impeccable boundaries." I felt chills of delight run through my body. Divine love, in fact, had real boundaries! Yes!
I realized this is why I felt so safe with the guides. I also know that it took years to develop healthy boundaries with them, I had to let them know my preferences. I didn't just want them popping up out of nowhere and scaring the crap out of me. And I didn't want to be they type of healer that was constantly being told information about other people in public somewhere.
My third year of school we learned a skill called "Spiritual Surgery." It involves specifically shifting your vibration to allow surgeon guides to come in and work through you. You actually have to open the back of your 5th chakra up and allow a guide to come into your body and work. It's an advanced skill. Little did I know I had such weak boundaries. When I let my guard down, I had no control, and the guide, not able to sense my boundary, came in too strong and too fast, and before I knew it I was on the floor. I had completely left my body and fainted. Embarrassing. I'm sure the guide was like, "Whoops." It took me all year to pass that skill.
The healing was, and is for me, the continual process of self-awareness and speaking your truth. The truth is we don't always know our own boundaries, and we don't always know other's boundaries. The truth is, you will invade others and others will invade you. Life experience will teach you, step by step, what you prefer. It's a continual learning process. And sometimes, when our boundaries are respected, they soften or change. Communicating and holding our boundaries from a loving place of truth is the best we can do. Sometimes, others can meet them, and sometimes not. If they cant, we make the decision whether to keep trying, to compromise, or to shift out of the relationship. This is a great quote that I always refer to when trying to make those decisions:
"Here's what I learned about compromise, don't do it if it hurts inside, 'cuz either way you're screwed, so you may as well feel good."
— Amy Ray of The Indigo Girls
There's a big difference between sacrificing ourselves, and allowing growth to occur so we can meet another in the middle. Tracking how it feels inside is a good place to start.
Energetically we can learn how to create space for our own essence, and to stay present with ourselves when others are invading. The tendency is to energetically vacate our own bodies while another's energy enters, like what happened in the Spiritual Surgery. This is what hurts so badly, this is what knocks us over. As we learn, over time, to hold our own with love, the opportunity for others to invade becomes less and less. The other person no longer feels abandoned, is able to feel your presence and your love. Then they can feel comfortable enough to stay in their own body. The lesson for the one that is invading is to stop and ask, "Why do I feel I must vacate myself and merge with another to feel love? Can I trust that they will love me if I stay with myself?" It's beautiful and rewarding work.
Working with a trained healer can help speed up the process and give you real support. Astral interference can be cleared, and reinforcement of the chakras and auric field can infuse you with more protection, love and strength.
This is the healing process that my Mom and I went through when I became an adult. We had help from great healers and therapists. When real love is present, and real boundaries are held, the willingness to work through the deep stuff can happen. I feel very lucky in that way. To me there is no greater healing than with family, and there is no deeper human love. Are we completely healed because of it? No, we still have our original tendencies. But understanding the other and having compassion for it as we actively choose a better option, fosters real love, and allows for Divine Love.
Copyright 2009 CC Treadway. All rights reserved.
About CC Treadway
CC has a private energy healing and channeling practice in Sedona, AZ and New York City (www.cctreadway.com). Her specialties include artistic development and performance, spiritual connection and relational therapy. She also teaches workshops on healing, channeling and the arts and has a successful documentary film-editing career. She is a graduate of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing and The Rhode Island School of Design, has traveled the world with Drunvalo, and is continually dedicated to her own path of healing and learning.
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